hornetpaw, windclan apprentice (wip)

rain slices through the air, landing harshly upon the ground without forgiveness. the air is cold, biting, frost billowing from a solitary she-cat's maw as she screeches out her pain in the dead of night. 

"push! lilybreeze, you must push!" a harsh voice cuts through pained whimpers and tears, little to no sympathy for the queen withering upon the lightly frosted ground. "i can't, mintrose. i'm so tired. this wasn't supposed to happen!" lilyflame wails her distress to the heavens, cursing starclan to the moon and back for doing this to her. "i don't even have a mate..." she whispered, her voice lilting as her bright green eyes peered up at the starry sky. "is this my punishment?"

"hornetkit! what in the world are you doing?!" the queens voice is harsh, and you flinch back from her heated gaze. "i wasn't doin' anything." you murmur, shoulders hunched as you retract your sharp kitten claws from your brother's fur. it happens before you have time to react, a sharp blow to the side of your head that leaves your ear ringing and pain lingering in its aftermath. "never again, hornetkit! you don't touch my kit!" but aren't you supposed to be her kit, too?

it is no secret among windclan that you were never meant to be born. nor were your two siblings, waspkit and hazekit.  lilybreeze and flameclaw didn't have some romantic love story to tell. hell, the two seasoned warriors weren't even friends before their night of passion. the she-cat thought that perhaps flameclaw would be there for his own kits, yet the elder tom refused to claim them despite their uncanny resemblance. to say lilybreeze never wished to be a mother would be an understatement. yet when her kits were born the she-cat couldn't help but feel a certain level of fondness for them. especially hazekit, her little mini-me. 

you - more or less - grew up without a mother. lilybreeze stopped paying attention to you and waspkit as soon as the two of you were weaned. the dusk-colored she-cat had eyes only for her precious hazekit and you couldn't help but feel resentment for both her and your younger brother. you detached yourself from your family, you didn't need anyone but waspkit as far as you were concerned. 

you shiver in the soft bedding, bright yellow eyes smoldering with irritation as you watch hazekit curl up into your mother's warm stomach. shuffling around, you give them your back unable to continue watching. grumbling beneath your breath you startle as a soft tail trails along your back. "c'mon hornetkit. no need ta' worry. you got me, dontcha?" waspkit. she is your saving grace. she keeps you levelheaded. she is the only one you need.

your apprenticeship seems to take eons to arrive and when it does you are as happy as can be. finally you can go on real adventures. the kind you've heard all of the older apprentices talk about. you feel as though you can take on the world and that on its own is dangerous. waspkit - wasp-paw now - is the thoughtful one. you tend to leap before you look but you just can't help it sometimes. 

now that the two of you are further away from your mother, you and hazepaw have grown close. it's amazing what a little bit of distance can do but you find yourself looking forward to being around your youngest sibling. wasp-paw still retains her disdain for both mother and son but you find that it's easier for you to forgive. perhaps in the end you simply wish to be closer to your mother and finally gain her love. hazepaw seems like the perfect rout in your eyes. over and over again you tell yourself that you're not using your brother. except you are.

"oh come on hazepaw! 's not even that high! i betcha i could get up there twice b'fore you got there once!" your voice echoes shrilly throughout the forest excitement evident despite your goading. the two of you have long-since left your mentors behind opting to have a bit of fun before you continue your battle training for the day. you feel slight remorse for not inviting wasp-paw but your much more thoughtful sister would have never allowed you to have such fun. "hornetpaw i-i'm k-k-kinda scared!" your brother's trembling voice is the last thing you hear before he screeches, falling through the air before your very eyes. you will never forget the way he looked at the bottom of that tree. broken.

you know your mother will never forgive you. a moon after hazepaw's death and she left the clan unable to be around you, a constant reminder of all she'd lost. now wasp-paw truly is the only thing you have left and even then you know she is disappointed in you just the same. she doesn't hold hazepaw's death against you. you do enough of that yourself.

you don't think you deserve to be a warrior's apprentice anymore. true warrior's would never act the way you did. you broke all the rules that day by crossing into thunderclan's territory. and for what? to prove that you could climb a damned tree? deep down you know that you will never forgive yourself. you hope that one day, somehow hazepaw can forgive you for ending his life long before his time. yet you're certainly not holding your breath. 

hornet - 

a prefiix given for the ginger tabby coloration of his fur, an obvious resemblance of his namesake.

-kit

a suffix traditionally given to each kit as it enters the world, to symbolize their belonging to one of the four clans of the forest.

-paw

the suffix gained at six moons of age, given to those cats that are old enough to begin their apprentice training in the hopes that they will some day reach warriorhood.

-frost

this suffix is to be given for a stunningly brilliant mind, and ideal ability to focus on only that which is deemed important. invariably the suffix illustrates an aloof and sometimes hostile feline with an over all calculating mind. 

@hornetfrost