Post by ASTERFANG on Jan 19, 2017 23:28:23 GMT
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[attr="class","congrats"] asterfang @open | 540 | someone come give her a dose of reality for almost her entire life, the she-cat had lived along the sidelines, watching others achieve success. she'd been happy for most of them - at least appearing to be happy - always giving a large grin, and a 'congratulations!' to make them really believe that she was as happy as she said she was. funny how she couldn't even convince herself that she was happy for them. ever since the pale tabby was a kit, she had never truly been happy in the face of someone elses' success. she was more of a sit and pout kind of kit, and while she had grown up since then, it didn't stop her from pouting and being particularly petty about certain events. was she happy that she was now deputy? of course she was. was she happy that she as officially better than her siblings? definitely. so for any that would come across her, it would raise the question as to why asterfang carried a look of misery on her face. her mate would know it had something to do with heronstep, the grumpy elder that she had bounded with. she wanted to share this with him. wanted him to see that she had taken his advice and had ceased to wallow in self-pity all the time. he was not here. he hadn't been here for awhile, and though he was mean to her, she missed him dearly. she may be deputy, but that didn't mean she couldn't grieve. and to grieve effectively over a cat lost several moons past, she had to be away from the prying eyes of her clan mates. there were those who wished to see her fail, and she refused to let them see her as weak. asterfang was no stranger to the darker side of life, to the brooding and menacing call of death that danced in the back of every cats mind. but she knew that it wiser to fear the living, than to fear the dead. while the dead could haunt her in her dreams, and in the off-key laugh of a kit, they couldn't harm her. the living were something different altogether. there was no honour among the living, it was kill or be killed, and anyone who spent any amount of time among the clans would know that. so that raised an important question; what did this all mean? were they alive simply to fight for their lives until the bitter end? asterfang found that dreadfully depressing, even as she basked on a smooth rock in the midday sun. there had to be more to life than fighting, hunting, and trying not to die. sighing heavily, the she-cat rolled onto her back, and perched her crossed paws over her chest. her belly was exposed, and she was in a peculiarly vulnerable position for a cat of authority such as herself, but when one has an existential crisis, odd behavior is nothing out of the ordinary. |
I need to move, I need to fight
I need to lose myself tonight
made by remi of rilla go! & adoxography